I’m on my bed. I spent almost all day on that bed. Didn’t work, didn’t go to school.
I was like: This is such a crapy day!
I’m having all these feelings. I feel bad, feel alone, feel left behind. I feel like something is really missing, even if I can’ really figure out what it is.
I also feel alive, loved and I have so many dreams.
That’s a kind of crapy day. Got some headache, backache and something I can’t describe.
You know sometimes you know something is wrong in your life, you know what it is, but you don’t know how to fix it. You feel so powerless and that’s hurt. I don’t like feeling powerless and vulnerable. I’m a strong and independent woman. I’m the one supposed to help others. I’m supposed to be strong for my folks. I’m supposed to be strong for my friends. I’m supposed to be a strong and independent woman. But tonight i feel so powerless and vulnerable.
I’m still on my bed as I’m writing these words, and I just heard about something sad.
She was a customer but also kind of a friend. She shared her story with me. She told me who she was and what she’s been through. Few days ago I was asking if someone would like to get a magazine about Black Panther cast and Chadwick Boseman ( Essence). She said she wanted it. I told her I would bring it to her in few weeks. That was our last conversation on March 3rd. She passed away on march 13th.
I feel like I’m an ungrateful b**** bragging about some nonsense, cause I still have the opportunity to make things right and get my life together.I’M ALIVE! She’s gone, she can’t do all the things she wanted to do. She was so sad and almost unhappy when we first met.
Some people said it cynical, but I don’t really believe 100% in true love and how it affect people. Her world felt apart when she lost her husband. She was really sad. She was seeing a shrink and starting to feel better when we met. She stopped wearing black outfits. She was really into colorful dresses and clothes. She was looking for hope and life.
I wish I could do everything I want to do before I leave this earth. But is there enough time to do things?